I have been...will you be moved?

Now, I’ve never been too health conscious, and my diet for the past 5 years, other than a 6 month Atkins stint, has pretty much been pizza. If I wasn’t so lazy it would probably be pizza and bacon! But during a recent conversation with Jude we had a pretty good laugh when we realized our dialogue had turned to the digestive process. Not just anyone’s, but ours. Aye yi yi, Jude, are we old now or what? It’s kinda cool how aging has a way of introducing new topics for discussion, and that’s what I want to do here.

Breakfast. We’ve heard it’s important. And it’s hardly a new topic, but I rarely if ever ate breakfast. Too rushed, too groggy, not hungry in the early morning blah blah blah. But I recently discovered a breakfast cereal you may want to try, Fiber ‘n Flakes with Oats from Weight Watchers.

Although I’m sure it’s a fab program I’m definitely not endorsing Weight Watchers here. I do know a lady who lost half of her weight 3 years ago and still looks fantastic at age 62, thanks to Weight Watchers. But as far as cereals go, this one tastes good to me, and certainly tastes a heckuva lot better than some of the rabbit food type fiber cereals. While it ain’t no Cocoa Crispies (doesn’t that milk get damn chocolaty??? yea!) it also it isn’t packed with sugar, which is pretty much why I gave up cereal long ago. That and the fact my ex bought only the skimmest of milk…yecch.

Per serving, this cereal has only 1 gram of sugar and a stirring 9 grams of fiber! Granted, their serving size is only ½ cup, so if you’re inclined to go for closer to 1 cup, we’re talking a whopping 18 grams of fiber, or around 3/4 the daily recommended amount! Lawdy Lawdy I’ve been cleansed! Plus…soy grits! Has anyone ever consciously eaten a soy grit? What the….? I know I haven’t, until now, and I’m damn proud to tell the world I'm ingesting soy grits on a regular basis! Just don’t tell me what they are, ok?

INGREDIENTS: Corn Bran, Rice Flour, Soy Grits, Whole Rolled Oats, Wheat Gluten, Soy Protein Isolate, Inulin, Corn Starch, Polydextrose, Canola Oil, Salt, Caramel Color, Natural Cinnamon Flavor, Sucralose (Splenda Brand Non Nutritive Sweetener) and Vitamin E (Mixed Tocopherols) As Natural Antioxidants.

So there you have it, a simple way to do something good for yourself. I write of this topic because:

1. I sincerely wish you friends good health and to outlive me

2. A friend recently lost his spouse to colon cancer

3. My last entry was over 4 months ago

D. Hey, you might like the cereal!

Monday October 15, 2007 - 07:16pm (PDT)

Three sheets to the wind

A dilemma that has plagued me for so long has finally been "put to bed". Every weekend it's been the same old thing, but a recent revelation has me giddy.

I don't know how all of you do it, but I've tried and tried to no avail until now. Every Saturday, week after week, the sound of the cycle complete on the dryer causes a sinking feeling in my stomach. I'm writing about, of course, the dreaded folding of the fitted sheets!

Does anyone have any luck with this?

My linen closet is in constant disarray with spare fitted sheets, tilting to the left and leaning to the right, ready to topple at any moment, and Adrian Monk would gasp if he were here.

Until now.

The solution is really quite simple. Is anyone familiar with those tear-off sheets on race car windshields? That's the concept. Just put all of the fitted sheets on the bed, one on top of the other and peel them off as needed! Think how pleased your guests will be when they see all the work you do giving them fresh linens every day, they'll think they're at a 5 star resort! And all you did was peel and fluff..and it will be our litle secret!

My closet is so orderly and spacious now, I might even go out shopping to find something to fill in the gaps...woo woo, shopping!

Well, by now you realize I'm such a nut, and many of you knew this already, but give it a whirl! What do you have to lose, except maybe some clutter!

Comments (4 total)

• Laura Carrillo
  

I have to say I dread doing laundry too. Towels and sheets, especially I take them to the laundromat and have them deal with them. I just put them away once I pick them up :-P

Thursday March 22, 2007 - 12:55am (EDT)

__________________________________________________________________

• Brenda Sue
  

LOL, Yeah Gaylene ... that's the ticket girlfriend. Lets go shopping! Thats what happens every time I organize the closets,...go out and buy stuff to fill them to overflowing ... Sounds like we're kindred spirits! Hugs, Brenda

Monday March 26, 2007 - 05:58pm (CDT)

____________________________________________________________________

• Jude M

Brilliant idea...unless, like our dear aging friend Elton John, one is developing bladder problems. He'd have to re-launder all his bottom sheets at ONCE...or risky being a "Funky Cat". Ewwwwwww.

Monday April 2, 2007 - 10:39pm (PDT)

___________________________________________________________________

• Glenda

I concur, brilliant!

Sunday June 3, 2007 - 01:24pm (EDT)

.

It's fun to stay at the....

It's fun to stay at the....

Yes, I am going to hell for this, but I've done a lot worse than laugh at some funny shit.

To my friend Jude,

I should come on over to your side! I hear the max penalty is 12 months of damnation!

Did you find this offensive?

Entirely inappropriate

0

Offensive, but ummmm, I laughed

2

Funny but looking over your shoulder for lightning bolts

3

No worries, just funny

13

Other...let me know

1

Saturday February 10, 2007 - 12:21am (PST)

Comments (5 total)

• Jude M

Jeez...if he can't take a laugh, what kind of a Jew IS he, anyway?!?

And what makes you think we Jews get a special deal? By "Chosen People", Daddy Dearest merely meant singled-out...for all the shit He can he heap upon on heads. Chosen, as in "The Canary in the Coal Mine" kind of chosen. Gee thanks, Dad.

BTW, I always DID wonder why one of the macho sterotypes The Village People chose to emulate wasn't J.C. hizzelf...or, at the very least, a clean-cut, All-American, Bible-thumping, manly man preacher. Sorta like Ted Haggard, who according to this week's "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me" is now "as straight as Tom Cruise."

Saturday February 10, 2007 - 04:07pm (PST)

___________________________________________________________________________

• Jude M

Ooops...in paragraph 2, end of the first, overlong sentence (as opposed to all the OTHER overlong sentences), that was sposed to be "OUR heads"...can't think WHAT was going on in MY head when I made that type. Heh heh.

Saturday February 10, 2007 - 04:09pm (PST)

___________________________________________________________________________

• Jude M

Y'know, I think you read the picture of Singing Jesus wrong. He's not part of a Village People tribute band -- He's auditioning for American Idol! Probably singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow"...with the conviction of someone who KNOWS what's up there.

Tuesday February 20, 2007 - 01:17pm (PST)

___________________________________________________________________________

• Jude M

Wow, do I leave a lot of comments on your sparingly doled-out blogs or WHAT?

Too-Much-Time-On-Her-Hands Jude

Tuesday February 20, 2007 - 01:18pm (PST)

___________________________________________________________________________

• Karen

Is this a new sporting event at the Olympics or are they signing the song "YMCA?"

*Kisses*

~Karen~

Saturday March 17, 2007 - 10:03pm (PDT)

Iowa Man Lands in Double-Dog Trouble

A gentle reminder to those with delinquent obligations, but mainly a forum to post a picture of the cool hot-dog cooker.

Iowa Man Lands in Double-Dog Trouble

By Associated Press

Fri Dec 29, 11:53 AM

DES MOINES, Iowa - As crimes go, this one was for the dogs.

According to police, James Clay had the munchies early Friday morning so he headed for the hotdogs at a local convenience store. Although his craving appeared satisfied, there was a little problem...he decided to overstuff his bun.

When he went to the counter to pay, the clerk noticed Clay had jammed two hotdogs into his bun, camouflaging his snack under a pile of condiments.

It apparently wasn't the first time Clay had tried to double-dog his bun, so the employee called police.

Hunger was the least of Clay's worries when officers arrived. He was wanted on a warrant for failing to pay child support.

Clay was being held at the Polk County jail under $59,230 bond.

Comments (3 total)

• Jude M

Somebody should have told the fool that if he's sneaking TWO hotdogs past the clerk, he doesn't need extra condiments...he needs a GAFF! No sympathies for him, anyway...any man who skips out on child support should have at least ONE hotdog confiscated.

Oddly, I am, at this very moment, listening to NPR's "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me" Special End-O'-Year Edition, which includes, as its first "Best of the Year" item, a story about a Floridian who was arrested for trying to smuggle a 12" pepperoni out of a convenience store by hiding it in his shorts. It apparently was only PARTIALLY concealed, leading to the inquiry "Are you going to buy that, or are you just happy to see me?" (Cut-and-paste http://www.npr.org/templates/rundowns/rundown.php?prgId=35 and click the "Is Adam Felber Psychic" link, if ya don't believe me!)

I guess small-time criminality and sausage theft are inextricably linked. How this relates to our community, I leave up to finer minds than mine. Like, perhaps, yours?

Sunday December 31, 2006 - 12:41pm (PST)

__________________________________________________________________________

• Gaylene

Ha! The injured hand excuse might have worked but it seems he had accepted cheese into his life by way of his pocket! I am convinced he has only you to blame!

Tuesday January 2, 2007 - 07:57am (PST)

__________________________________________________________________________

• Jude M

Moi? I am not a devotee of cheeses (even if it's served [or is that "He ATTENDS"?] my holiday get-togethers)...I'm Jewish!!! Oh, come to think of it, so was He.

Tuesday January 2, 2007 - 03:27pm (PST)

___________________________________________________________________________